I have a partner at work. And we've picked up business like crazy, pulling twelve properties a day and such! I feel like the old aggressive me, pissed to think there is something that I can't do.

agressive yes, but I kinda have to be i think. No mild tempered person really does this kind of work. It's an effin push, go go go, hook that chain up to the tree and pull that ***** out sort of thing.

it's not the bp... i don't think. this is personality that is adapted from life long working labor. I think the bp is aggrevated by it though.

who knows.. I don't really care. Just thought I would check in with the people here that I talk to.

It's good in a way... I totally forget about my problems and just get work done. Sleep is kind of sucking though, and I'm not eating well. But I think I was eating and sleeping too much anyways.. being as docile as I was.

Ever just want to forget. I can if I let myself. Mindlessly take the damn meds and never think twice about what they are for. Just keep my mind busy on what is happening at the moment. I do that. Whenever I think that I am different than other people and that I have a mental ****ing illnes called bipolar disorder, I get really mad now.

I don't really want to think about it. Coming onto here makes me think a lot about it. Why do I do that? It's like baiting myself for being pissed off.

maybe I'm not in my right thinking... but seriously, why would I do that to myself? what advantage does thinking about it all the time really have anyways? I don't really get it. I can put it out of my mind so that is a good thing, right? It makes me happier to not even think about it, say i'm fine and get on with life. otherwise I will just sit around and analyze how I am feeling and get that cold gut feeling everytime I realize I am minimizing **** that I feel and that It's actually real and happening!

Talking about it is not helping me, just reminding me of **** that I would rather forget about.

In your opinion, it's cool to just put of the way, right?
Well, I hope so cuz that's my plan from here on out.
not talking endlessly about it. not letting it rule my life anymore.
seriously, I could just type for hours about it and what would it get me, except unpopular really. Won't fix nothin. Relating to others is kind of like, "oh yeah, i get it. me too. sucks huh?"

I can't help anyone here. I can only show understanding and compassion, but that really doesn't help anyone really. This is a social board and I'm not a social person. Dumb of me to be on here really, cuz I focus on the disorder when I am on here and I've noticed that others like to talk and have fun.

It's not me so I am out! good luck to you all.