Thank you for the warm welcome. Feeling like an experiment is what prompted me to go off the meds in the first place. I know I'm a mess but I don't know if it's worth the risk to try again. I've gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings or at least hiding myself when I don't feel like I can fake it. It get very lonely and I'm ashamed that I'm lying to everyone. I've fought so hard to be someone they could at least respect if not care about.