...I don't know what goes on outside me...?...on my skin

I barely know what goes on inside me but I can feel it.

I watch people...I study people... other people when I get the chance and I already decide what I appear like when I'm 'the other person'

according to them ...based on what I "FEEL"....I'm an outsider worthless a loser!

and it's likely crap!...maybe crap?....better off it it is crap!

I'm as entitled to feelings as much as everyone else!....and yet I'm ashamed to show any!

...because they feel so extreme!....

so I decided to do a candid camera on myself during my evening...stressed out!....like alot of people are and so what I am anyway
(call me a psycho scientist film-maker)...it's not vanity!

....and I gotta tell ya'!.... I look so damn serious on the playback...so intense...so complicated and full of purpose shattered defiant.....and afraid and even concerned about it.....looks just exactly the same as I feel on the inside.

and this is a revelation...I thought I was hiding my problems...

but my expressions don't lie....

just like I see in others ...in the street where-ever....and I pity them.

I guess it's ok to pity myself....then I might just come help me as much as I would some other poor sucker!

I just want to know who I am....then I might cope better