Just as it began a few days ago i guess five days now I thought this ride was over that this cycle would leave me. I thought with hope that the depression would leave and I would have no more symptoms of mania. I thought I was back to being of again but as I type this here I know that is not true. I sit here depressed again for an unknown length of time. It amazes me each time because like a fool I think of these feelings have passed Im myself again no more jumping around no more sleeping all day. I was a fool.

Im disgusted with myself I don't want to be around myself but damn the luck here I am. I hate myself, i have nothing to offer anyone I have done nothing over the past 23 years that deserves any merit. I have gone no where in life I lost the only job I ever had and really loved because of my over reaction to things and days missed. I just one day snapped and next thing i know life would never be the same. Yeah I had been depressed before but not like this december 8,2011 I lost all the marbles. I lost the girl I still love on november 22, 2011 she asked me to get help 2 months into the relationship I should have done it cause things may have been better be today.

From this seat I can over look all the beauty out of my window everything is grey and lonely and sad. Nothing is happy nothing is colorful nothing is worth doing. Not even school Im trying my best but I seem to be failing miserably I doubt Ill ever have a degree or ever amount to anything. Im a nobody and washed up looser. Imagine what growing older will lend to me even more disappointment and sorrow. People often say things get worse before they get better but they dont apparently know what depression is like if it gets much worse how can I handle it. Thanks for letting me feel sorry for myself for a minuet. I hate that also I feel a need to go woe is me and be such a cry baby. FML


This is a song for anyone
With a broken heart
This is a song for anyone
Who can't get out of bed

I'll do anything
To be happy
Oh cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

This is the last song
That I write
While still in love with you

This is the last song
That I write
While you're even on my mind
Cause it's time to leave
Those feelings behind
Oh cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going
I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going

But blue skies are calling
Oh yeah blue skies are calling
Oh blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard