Sexuality is not a choice. You cannot choose to be gay, bi, straight, or asexual. You are or you are not. However, you can choose your partner. So, for instance, if you are bisexual, of the men and women you are attracted to, you can choose to enter into a relationship with a particular man or a paritcular woman (assuming they're into you, too!) But your sexual orientation does not change when you go from being in a relationship with a man to being in a relationsihp with a woman. Even when you are in a monogamous relationship with one person of one sex, you are still sexually attracted to both. Now, if you are exclusively lesbian, you are only attracted to women. You can still choose your partner; plenty of lesbians have been with men at one time or another because they were "trying" to be straight; but they never felt attracted to the men they dated. They could choose their partner, but they could not "make themselves" feel sexual desire where none existed. I've also heard the argument "Well, i must not be a lesbian; i'm not attracted to my female friends!" Or, " But I went on a date and I didn't like her!" Being a lesbian does not mean you are attracted to ALL women; just like being heterosexual does not mean you are attracted to all men! Of all the women out there, one is only attracted to a small portion of those women. (For instance, I'm attracted to very feminine, in-shape blondes; if a butch brunette walks by, it ain't gonna happen!)

So, to the question of whether our preferences are genetic or cultural. Well, they're both. We can never fully separate biology from culture (this is what I taught my students last Wednesday!) Our culure influences our biology, and our biology influenes our culure; they' constitute a perpetual feedback loop. We interpret biology through the lens of our culture, and our biology provides the blue-prints on which our culture works. For instance, I just indicated that I like "feminine blondes." Well, what is feminine? Hmm... well, I like high heels, I like painted nails, I like make-up, and I like blonde highlights. None of things are biological or natural! If I lived in the caveman era, none of things would exist! And, none of things are specific to a particular genital configuration. (There's nothing natural about women wearing those things as opposed to men). It's all cultural. So, my biology has pointed me in a particular direction-- and then my culture has shaped my desires. How much is biology and how much is culture? We'll never know. Do I like blondes because I grew up in California and spent a lot of time at the beach, watching pretty blonde surfer girls? Or is my retina genitally programmed to prefer lighter color hues? Who knows? Does it matter? What research CAN tell you is that, once we reach adolescence, our erotic preferances remain relatively stable. We don't suddenly go from preferring blondes to preferring brunettes because we "want to" or because we think it's "better." Once we like blondes, we usually stick with blondes. Or, if we've never had a hair color preference, we continue to not have a hair color preference. Or, if we're bisexual, we continue to be bisexual, and date men sometimes and women sometimes. And if we're gay, we continue to be gay. What fascinates me is why people feel like they NEED TO KNOW WHY some people are heterosexual and some people are homosexual and some people are bisexual. What makes us that way? Yet, no one ever asks "Why do I prefer blondes? Why does my sister prefer brunettes?" The answer to that is because we live in a homophobic society; but we don't live in a hair-color-ist society. If it didn't matter what our sexual orientation was-- if we weren't prejudiced-- it wouldn't matter why!