They probably should, but most don't. Most THINK they know things about gay identity becuase they heard about it on TV, or they have a gay friend, or they took that one, 6-week course, or they attended a one-day sensitivity training seminar. Or, they think "what does it matter? I'm not black and I have a black client. People are people." But, when you're specifically in therapy to talk about the break-up of a same-sex relationshisp or to accept or figure out your sexual orientation, you really do need a T who has training and experience and knowledge in those areas. (If you were in therapy for an eating disorder, or for PTSD from serving in Afghanistan, it might not matter).

When I was 17, my dad sent me to a T who was completely ignorant about gay/lesbian issues. She wasn't "trying" to be homophobic either, but she was, BECAUSE she didn't know better and repeated a lot of the homophobic things she heard on TV or from other people. For instance, after about 4 sessions, she tried to convince me that I was "too young to know" and that I was probably "confused." She also told me, matter-of-factly, that lesbians were at a higher risk of contracting AIDS. Then, she said that femme lesbians were only really lesbians if they liked butch women. Hence, if I liked other femmes, I wasn't really a lesbian. She REALLY thought these things were true! Luckily, I was smart enough to know better than she did and so I brought in research debunking her statements. (Prepping for my future career in research, perhaps?!) Still, the expereince of having her tell me I was confused-- and making me have to "prove" that I wasn't-- was damaging, and it slowed down my coming out process. I can only imagine that, had I seen my current T back then, I would have been a lot further along a lot sooner, becuase she would have understood and validated my experience and not tried to convince me that she knew more about my sexuality than I did!!

Finally, since you say you feel as though your T thinks she can cure you, maybe take a look at this link. It indicates that someone who is gay cannot be "cured." It also reiterates that there is nothing to "cure" because nothing is "wrong" mentally, physically, or socially. (And, normally, I hate advocating wikipedia as a source of info-- I don't allow my students to use it!-- but, in this case, it does the job more easily than a research article).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ex-gay

Finally, button, I just want to say that my heart goes out to you. I can feel your pain in a lot of what you post, and I just want to say that we all care about you and we all want what is best for you! Like Lola just said, let YOU be the one who determines what that is! Not us, not T, not anyone else-- YOU! You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy & to recognize your own, positive qualtiies-- and to be with someone else who recognizes and appreciates them as well.