I have always thought my goal was to live happily off of meds. I would take meds, start feeling better, and then go off. Inevitably the depression would come back. At first I could go years, as time went on I could only go months and the episodes became worse. The last episode was just over a year ago. It was bad! It threw me back on meds and back into therapy. I have done a lot of therapy with a fair amount of success over the years, but sometimes have to head back.

What I got out of those 6 months in therapy was that I needed to embrace my illness and fully accept that I have it. A big part of that was accepting that my body needs meds to function properly. I am not perfect, but am quite functional on meds. I still have my moments, but not the major life altering episodes that I have off of meds. I'm able to do my job, sleep mostly normally, communicate with those around me. I intend to stay on meds and have no intention of trying to go off again. I'm 42 now and if I have to be on them for the rest of my life I'm okay with that.

I read in your other post about why your fear came about, that makes perfect sense! I know people can overcome their fears, but it is hard. Keep reaching out here, and if possible seeking support in real life, so that you can take this next step to feeling better! Good luck to you, and thanks for posting.