i am not a step son, maybe my words got interpreted wrong, probably all wrong, i get depressed to the point to where being sexually exploited by older people is an acceptable form of comfort in my own mind, it comes usually every time something that upsets me either happens or maybe something i remember, but there is nothing concrete for me to really put things together, the main motivation that upsets me is the opposite sex, how my illness was triggered was over a cigarette and a girl trying to get me to go away when she was probably with an authority figure, i walked away and could not remember what happened until just before i went to the hospital, just about everything that had happened since i feel things started effected me and drove me into isolation, nobody ever told me anything to really state whatever my mind thought and even after i started to talk about it, nothing with how this illness started went anywhere, as for more to come a lot of stuff has been pulled with me, and whatever people want i am no longer feeding into, whatever had happened it was against them and they cannot say it was towards me or do not want to or really never ever can, i am tired of trying to connect myself to certain people and whatever if anything happened to them, things towards me could be revenge, all i know is whenever i try to do or talk about anything there is no happy ending, there is no love in any of this, if people even really cared i would have been diagnosed sooner than i did, and i feel that my diagnoses and all that i went through before and after that was nothing more than revenge, to say i retaliated against someone for giving head to who knows and do not know who the person was and then have people all over participating in this catch crap while hearing noises and voices thinking people know what i am thinking, and the person and their people cannot legitly confront you, they want whatever in whatever way, and they never got that and never will, and they never cared what the real story was and never will and why did i even say that why does that matter guess there never was a story right, i am not going to talk about anything anymore, if anyone wanted in my life they need to do whatever is right to do whether you never talked to me etc.., or i was never interested in you and no point to ever bring that up, but hey nothing legit will ever occur so i just blame it on the illness and solve what i can and hope it never gets triggered, the thoughts of being sexually exploited just go away and thats that