Passion, I can understand what you are going through. I am going through some of it too. I haven't cheated, but I do crave that closeness and wanting to be wanted. I make myself feel better by looking at apartments online, and dreaming of a life where it is just me and my sons. I am on disability, and would never make it on my own. We are trying to work on it in therapy. There is maybe a shred of something there that we might be able to save. At the very least I want to make it work while the kids are young. (10 and 5).

I think you are at the cusp of finding your own life, but first I would set up the supports you will need so that you don't spin into an episode. You have my support.