when i was going to meetings trying to stay sober and faltering often i remember looking at the winners. i thought how can they do this when i can't (so i thought)? i wanted what they had-sobriety-but obviously not doing the footwork or letting God's will be done. i thought i was in charge. ha! so i thought, how come i kept failing? people kept giving me that AA booklet titled "acceptance". (i didn't understand their reasoning tho it was a silent message.) why did they keep giving me this booklet? i thought i had "admitted" i was an alcoholic but in truth i really hadn't accepted that. i learned i had to surrender in order to be set free. and free i became. i had realized i had put alcohol as my jailer. and during that time i was certainly not free.
another experience...when i'd try to justify something my sponsor would say "that's nothing but false pride and ego" and she kept walking(!!!). for sometime i thought.. "she's wrong". i felt like a worm and i certainly had no ego or pride. finally i asked her why she kept saying that. duh..why did i wait so long to ask? she gave me examples of my pride and ego that were things i needed to change. that i didn't have the answers to anything. talk about learning to possess humility. thank goodness for wise sponsors. and she definitely even then was an oldtimer-35 years sober. today she is 56 yrs. sober and she has/had an abundance of serenity and spitiuality. i wanted that too. but how? surrendering to the fact i was an alcoholic not just admitting it but accepting and doing something to learn how to be sober was the answer.
i love the "promises." all they said would take place did and then more!!!! all because i surrendered. the "promises" are a gift.
"if we are painstaking about this development we will be amazed before we're halfway through." ..and i am.