i'm sorry this is a long post. i'm utterly confused as to if i am being emotionally abused or not. is it my boyfriend or me and my stuff inside me.

i have been with my partner for nearly two years. it started off very romantically, he was talking about marriage in the first week. i was a little hesitant, i'd been in difficult relationships before and wanted to take things slower but i found myself very much in love with him.

he persisted with the marriage route, not actually getting down on one knee (which he did do eventually) but it was a constant topic, i asked him to slow down, this is were things went wrong.

he told me that he was disgusted by the idea of one night stands, i did not want to tell him too much of my past sexual history as i don't believe it ever helps but i made the mistake of telling him i had slept with my last boyfriend on the first night. i didn't do this with him. this has lead to enourmous amounts of trouble. he reacted badly to not being "special enough". of course i realise it was a mistake to have said anything but things just went from bad to worse

i also had decided to give up recreational drugs at the point when i met him, he had recently discovered them and this was another area that i was "resisting" or "denighing" him in.

i took persistant "attack" from him about both these areas where i was resisting him. i was threatened many times with being dumped, i felt very very low.he was in therapy at the time and more often than not he would com back from his sessions with something new to attack me with, what i had done, was doing etc. i spoke to a friend who is training to be a pyshcotherapist who said to me to look up border line personality disorder about the extremes of great and bad someone can feel and how the personality is so polar, i did and one night i said i thought perhaps that is what he had.

he was seeing his therapist the following day, his therapist asked him what i think is a sensible question "why do you want to be with someone who thinks you have a personality disorder?" he came home and told me i was dumped.

however that night we talked on. amoungst other things he told me that the entire sex thing i had said was all wrong. he told me he had felt more passionate about other girls and had better sex, he told me i was over weight, he was used to slim, toned models he had dated who did anything for him and called him "mr wonderful". he told me he had only dated me as i had a pretty face and a nice personality. he told me he didn't like the way i dressed and i always talked about myself and how great my friends where, never about how great he was.

this is all a long time ago, i swallowed it all and then ended up very depressed, i finally got signed off work beacuse of it, in the time i was off ill, he continued with his lines of argument. i went to see some friends again, they told me to dump him, that they were all very unsure of him, and sensed he was very troubled, being aware of his very difficult childhood where his father had severely beaten him.

i went back to him that night with a list of items that i was upset about, he totally backed down and admitted fault.

i also started therapy, i was told to see his old therapist because he told me I should take his advice and see who he recommened, i gave in and went and vowed to work on myself, if i did talk about myself too much i wanted to stop it, i knew it would cause me problems, i must learn to listen.

i thought that was it, but its kept coming up, the sex the drugs, resisting him, i lost 2 stone in weight, i stopped talking about myself, i became a shadow of myself.

we both became very interested in pyschotherapy and read huge amounts,we both became victims of being labelled. pointing out each others faults and things we did.

i got dumped about another i don't know 6/7 times,sometimes with long emails, saying don't reply we are over for good, then he would email back later saying he loved me and was prepared to try again, he wanted us to work.

Then he discovered Carl Jung's work and started to see a Jungian Analysist as therapy. This became his answer to everything, and he talked about his work and what he was discovering about himself insessantly sometimes 4 - 5 hours a night. I listened until I felt I didn't exist, like I was just an audience. I finally plucked up the courage to say I was bored. We went to joint therapy, he told the therapist it is important that he talks about his work and that if I didn't listen I would lose him.

Mean while his own theapist the Jungian Analysist, told him he had a disorder "hypermania" part of "bi polar". This has never really been investigated but I believe his anaylist must have tackled some of his anger issues as he has now become this hyper "aware" super being (who is always right) he doesn't get angry and provokes very softly but still provokes. for example he has become a vegetarian and given up drugs. I was at that exact point when i met him and got attacked for both, i pointed this out, he said i was bring up the past, i must be in the here and now.

Then last week he announced he was to become a buddhist, he went away on a retreat and meditated for 17 hours a day. he feels he has become "awakeded" and he is on the road to enlightenment, his therapist has told him he is special and his retreat teacher confimed he was "awakened".

today he has told me his dad and his best friend how we have all be out of order recently, not with anger but he says he won't tolerate it anymore, we are being "told".

i realise this is not dramatic emotional abuse, and others on this website have it so much worse. but this all has left me utterly confused, i had a difficult childhood and i am suffering from depression again now. i know i sometimes can provoke him out of awareness but is all this normal? is it me? what am i doing? surely no one else can make you feel anything or make you feel depressed aren't relationships are 50/50?. please can anyone offer advice? has any one else met someone troubled who has been to therapy for years and then found religion?????