I feel like a slave to myself. My mind just keeps going like a broken record of all the broken hearts, the pain, the regrets, anger, and sadness. I even think right down to the smallest of details of simple conversations I wish I would have handled differently. I think of revenge then feel bad for wishing anything bad on another. I wonder how I can make someone think differently, how can I make people see me, how can I make the world a more compassionate place. I daydream, sleep to dream, fantasize of the life different. I have had weeks of nothing but thought.

I tell myself to get up, do this, do that, think differently. The days end up the same but the scary part is I have not cried as often as i was since i have been hiding in this house just letting the days go by.

I keep waiting for that moment where something just sparks in me and i move along from those past thoughts to create a better present moment.

But for now i just lay and think over and over and over settling for nothingness, lame facebook games, android apps, laundry to do, messes, a lonely car waiting to be driven, makeup to be worn, a laptop needing a break, empty shell, a life undiscovered, smiles to be had, weakness to strength, cheese with that whine....

We have all been victims to something or someone in our lives in the PAST. Now on this day I believe that we fall victim to the worst abusers of them all, OURSELVES. How do we escape ourselves? How do you get closure for all the emotional abuse we inflict? How do we uncuff from our own minds? Then we even beat ourselves up for jailing ourselves in our head. Endless cycle of bullskit that we brainwash ourselves with. Damnit!

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