You're not alone. I have struggled with this since I was 10 maybe. I often wondered if maybe I was bisexual as I am attracted to women and have been with the same female partner for several yrs. But I can't really say I am attracted to other guys, although there was a period in my teens when a gay guy hit on me and it did arouse me in a way but not that i would concede in this innuendo. I gurss it was noce to have a compliment on how i looked.I have always been extremely self conscious of my body and have a hard time accepting being touched. I never had much luck with girls and didn't lose my virginity until I was 19, I think my self consciousness contributed to it. Also I never felt worthy of someone else's affection. As stupid as it sounds even though i am self critical about myself in public, i always had feelings of attraction to my body but wouldnt dare tell anyone about this since i thought something is wrong with me. I have tried researching possible reasons why i feel this way. When i was about 8 i was told by some relatives at s family reunion that i was lucky to be alive and that i had to be revived when i was born and spent a week in an incu. Somehow this had a huge impact on how i viewd myself. I saw myself as less human but in a contradictory way it fascinated me as well. I believe this is when I started to become attracted to my body. But i always hated and blamed myself as well. Playing doctor growing up only heightened these feelings as I was always the patient being revived. I guess I am mess up and I think I may be an Aspie. Hope this post wasn't offensive but wanted to post that you're not alone.