Quote:
Originally Posted by lightbulb7
Isabelle, I feel your inquiry would be better addressed if you could perchance think of what led up to this new behaviour. Your told us that you are 13 years old. How long has this disturbing behaviour been coming out?
I can totally realte Isabelle. I too was a troubled teen, all of my teen years until the very late almost 20s. I can now step back and see a "trail of breadcrumbs" that led me exactly the places I ended up. I have had several "blackouts" also where I would wake up and not know what day it was, and then everyone in my home was mad at me. I was told I started screaming matches and physical fights with family members. Looking back, I feel that what caused this to occur in my life was SUPRESSION.
I was rejecting feelings that are natural to feel in situations that come up. I was constantly taking all of life's new crappy events and pushing them deep down inside myself. I thought it was a bottomless pit. It wasn't. Pretty soon, I would lash out at the wrong people who did not deserve or cause my anger.
I did not know why I was angry, because the anger had been there so long and the situations that caused it were "over". Years over sometimes. This led to shame for my behaviour and eventually subtance abuse and many other symptoms. These are definitely symptoms of a deeper root. Find the root. Evaluate your life.
When you think back to your first memories, think of what you liked in life. Think of who you hoped to be when you grew up. Are you that person now? Are you on track to be? If not, as I most certainly was not, this can cause dissappointment.
Resentment at others who have failed us. Hopelessness. Regret. Shame of failure etc. These things are ususally at the root of the sprouting behaviour.
I hope that you can truly find peace and comfort my friend. It is a long jorney to find yourself. There are many unpleasant things along the way. But there is also hope my friend. The sun will rise in the morning. You are dearly loved, and wanted.
Your life has not been wasted, nor will it ever be. This is a positive place and I am glad you have found it my friend. Sincerely, Glinda Gail
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I had extreme guilt and paranoid when I was 10 years of age. I became scared of simple human interaction. (touching) Because of a movie I had seen at the time. I believed I was a victim of sexual abuse. But my therapists told me it was paranoid due to this movie. I had believed this because I woke up unable to remember the night before, completely unclothed, blood coming form my mouth, and red marks all over my body. This caused me a lot of stress where I would have outbursts of anger. At the time I had a hard time with self image. I wasn't able to stay in a range of being quite or loud. It was either one or the other. I wanted to stay quiet, but I couldn't help myself. So I suppose I slowly began to restrict myself. I've always been scared of my father as well. He'd push and yell, making my family tense when my mother was away. Even now I get scared just by hearing him walk down the halls of the house.
That is my share of what may have caused these behaviors. It would make more sense then what my therapists suggested. That these were brain chemical imbalances.
Thank you for your support.
