Hi DownfallOfUsAll.....First of all, I am so very sorry about how terribly bad you're feeling. Perhaps it does not help to know, but I'll just say that I have been in similar places. Of course everyone's exact details are unique, but many of your words do echo things I have felt. I agree very much with what Rohag has said. Despite the fact that it might feel as if posting here is not important, I believe that you never know when some little thing in someone's response....some tiny thought expressed in a certain way might break through the veil of depression and touch you, or allow you to feel a glimmer of light ~hope that you wouldn't have expected. Please don't get me wrong....I have been in that place where I can not see a bit of perspective, or imagine ever feeling better, but I have also experienced the return of better days. Yes there are ups and downs, but I have made it through some times when I could never imagine an "okay" day ever happening again. Sending hugs and prayers ~whimsy