I feel like I totally messed up my life. Even tho I didn't have a mother around, I could have made better choices ....I don't know maybe its not my fault I'm confused. Drug addict mother, I lived with aunt and uncle, and he physically and mentally abused me...imagine someone slapping your face until your nose bleeds, and only then he would stop...those memories burn thru my soul like fire. Keeping me in the house on punishment for and entire summer because my chores were not done right..When very little my mother's druggy friend sat me on his lap and put his finger in my private part...I was only about 5 but I remember like it was today...so much more bad things. Then I think I was somewhat paralyzed in life, no ambition, negativity follows me around. Thanks for being here to listen ...I'm feeling really bad right now and no one to talk to