I'm in physical pain because of my depression. It hurts to move... to breathe. I have a consistant depressed mood but every so often I'm hit with an overwhelming wave of despair and sadness. When the sadness hits, all I can do is cry and cry and cry. I had to leave work early today because I was so exhausted and I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills come the end of october because I've needed so many mental health days. I barely got by this month. Foods ****in expensive and I'm so depressed that all I want to do is eat and cry and sleep. I feel lonely... the loneliness is killing me and the pain is unbearable. I tried to distract myself with porn but I'm left feeling more depressed when I'm done watching than I did when I started. I know this wave will eventually go over me but there will still be the daily depression. There will still be the daily struggle. I'll still be alone in life and overwhelmed by the world around me. Sometimes I wish I wasn't alive. My joints and head ache. I just wanna sleep but I can't sleep.