Rainbow, yes sitting with the feelings of not always getting what we want as we want it is hard. It's not about what a T will or will not talk to us about, it's about what we benefit from having a T that can stick to what is appropriate for her and also understanding how that feels for you without punishing or denying that. It really does make us stronger, and that is the gift of therapy.

Rainbow, I don't know if you ever talked to your T about the book I recommended, "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend, but I really think you should read it. So far, it has taught me so much about boundaries. I know your faith differs from mine, but seriously, you can "read around it" in this book. It is SO good and easy to understand!

I think it's hard for you to understand boundaries because you probably don't have any for yourself. I didn't. I've finally set some in my life and it's helped me.

I wonder if this comes down to distrust as much as anything else.

You were thinking how great T is because she says/does certain things.

Then your mind jumped in with 'but hang on, she's not so good because she doesn't say/do this.'

Then you started to feel miserable about the relationship.

I recognise this pattern too.

The truth is, no relationship is perfect and the t relationship is one on its own, so there's nothing to compare it to. I think this is about trusting it for what it is.

T has made a decision not to talk about certain things. That is the nature of the relationship. If she talked to you about her private life she wouldn't be a very good t! It's not a rejection of you, if anything it shows she is protecting you. She knows that withholding information about herself means the focus remains on you. And that is the nature of the t relationship. It's how it should be.

Your thoughts may well intercept with criticisms when you try to feel good about something but try to catch this when it happens and remind yourself that what you felt good about just a minute ago still exists. If you find yourself believing a negative thought that makes you cry or feel angry or depressed, ask yourself whether your emotion is really justified. Is it that T doesn't care, or is she simply doing what a T should do? I bet you'll find it's the latter. If this is hard to believe, remind yourself of all the times that T has shown she does care about you. So that's evidence that she does. Anything else is the nature of the t relationship, which is to benefit you if even that doesn't seem the case now.

I find your statement about boundaries above very curious, Rainbow. Personally I am very aware when someone breaches my boundaries, whether that be by stepping into my personal space uninvited or being instrusive on an emotional level. I wonder if this lack of awareness of personal boundaries might have something to do with the way your mom parented you - you have told us many times that she was involved in everything you did, wanted to know everything, and was 'always there', etc. I had the impression from your descriptions of your mom's relationship with you that she didn't respect your boundaries and was rather 'enmeshed' with you.
I didn't realize that she didn't respect my boundaries. After all, it's the way I grew up.
I wonder then if that is related to you shutting *her* out. Remember how you often didn't want to tell her things - sometimes even about important things like injuries! And wasn't there a time when you were selectively mute and didn't talk at all? Could those things perhaps be your way of setting up your own boundary between yourself and others, kind of like saying "I am not going to let you into my space"?
I always spoke to my Mom and Dad and brother but not to other relatives. SM is in the social anxiety spectrum. I wanted to talk but couldn't. It is true that as an adult I felt my Mom pestered me too much about things and I got annoyed, so if that was crossing my boundaries, I didn't like it.
Does any of this relate to who you want to know everything about your T, and *you* feel when she sets a boundary and doesn't want to share?

You could always put yourself in her husband's shoes; if your husband was a therapist, would you want him talking to his clients about you?
Just a thought...