Got a lot done today and feel good mentally. It's so great not to be depressed. All along my spine has been sore all day. Not excruciating, just pretty darn uncomfortable. Even after taking a pain pill. I've been so busy straightening out messes - like piles of paperwork - around the house.

House looks nice and I am so pleased. I didn't even mind toughing out the discomfort. I was that motivated. I am getting creeped out by this worsening situation where I can't ever seem to have my back and neck straight. I kind of have to hunch over in weird ways.

In 9 days I see my PCP doc. I have to drum up the resolve to insist he pay serious attention to this and not just prescribe me Vicodin. I want to know what is wrong and why is it getting so much worse so quickly. I have a tax refund coming for 2011 once I file for it. I'm going to tell my doctor that I will use my whole refund to pay privately to see an orthopedic doctor, if he can't get my referred for a serious follow up. He can do that, I believe. If I go pay a specialist, myself, and it turns out that I should have gotten more care sooner, that's going to make my doc look bad.

I like my doc. I don't want to alienate him, or come off as a smarty-pants. I am a nurse and I know how the ball gets dropped on diagnosing people. It's only thanks to the x-rays that SSA sent me for that I found out I have scoliosis - which I never knew. Those x-rays showed narrowing of disc spaces. I had the report of those x-rays sent to my doctor. I'm going to be real disappointed if he hasn't even looked at the FAX'd radiology report on my back.

I may have to stay in my recliner watching TV all day tomorrow to recuperate from today. Here I am - RELIEVED OF DEPRESSION - eager to clean my place and organize the clutter that developed when I was so depressed. All day I've been like an eager beaver. Singing as I work - so happy to be upbeat and highly motivated . . . ignoring the nagging discomfort. But now I'm scared that my activity may be exacerbating damage along my spine.

Sorry. Thanks to whoever said "Use as many words as you need to." Here I am - NOT DEPRESSED - but concerned that something physical is going quite wrong.

I feel like my sudden, much worsening of neck and back pain is some kind of punishment on me for going on SSDI for depression. Forgive my morbid mind. I am scared. Will take more Vicodin, now. Or maybe not. Should just get in recliner and watch TV.

I'm actually kind of hypomanic. Maybe I just overdid it today. Thanks for your patience. Maybe I can ride my bike tomorrow to help my back - if it might do that. ?

I think I meant to put this in a different thread. I'm too uncomfortable to think straight.