This question reminded me of when my husband and I were dating and we were walking down the street, hand-in-hand, and a pole came up in our way. I saw the pole and thought about it, made a plan for how I was going to "win" and pull him off balance and over to my side to go around before he let go of my hand or pulled me to him.

Much to my shock, still hand-in-hand, he nudged me over to my side of the pole as if it were the most natural thing in the world; it was perhaps the second most eye-opening experience I had with him, the first being when I laid my head on his chest and asked if I could stay there forever and he answered, "yes" (and I decided on the spot I was keeping this one! :-)

It was your word "invest" that got me remembering. You make it sound like the other person is a project or financial speculation instead of someone you walk along with, hand-in-hand?

You need to first walk with yourself, not thinking of your parents or siblings (my brothers, why I was going to pull him off-balance, it is what I learned from growing up with three older brothers) or teachers or spouses or anything other than what you want, but you must be aware of what you want. You cannot be open to something else unless you know what you already are doing, thinking, feeling, believing. I was opened to being shocked but pleasantly so by my DH's move. It was different from what I would have done and I understood in my bones, just how and I wanted that!

What do you choose when you walk down the street? One does not "trade" with significant others; I do this for you/you do the other (or same) for me. You give to others because you love them, you sincerely want them to have that experience, to feel, be, do, have the best they can. But you want that for selfish reasons; you want what you want because you want it, it makes you feel good.

Figure out what truly makes you feel good, go do it, and it will attract others and you pick and choose your partners, your friends and lovers from those who enjoy what you enjoy and enjoy you enjoying it!