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No, he actually said something like "I think that the one thing that is still in the way is that I heard _______". I guess he was processing it for himself in a way, but it was some pretty shocking and devastating information that was 100% NOT true.
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hm. first of all, i can't believe he's breeching confidentiality, and telling you what another client is saying. someone else i know sees the same therapist as me, and my therapist is
very careful about keeping things separate. even when i KNOW what she's been told something, she doesn't let on - not even a little bit.
second, and i know you probably can't say specifically, but why is this thing (this lie!) "still in the way?" that seems kind of ridiculous to me. does your therapist mean that he's resolved (not sure the word to use) except for this issue? like we're-all-good-but-there's-just-this-one-last-thing? sounds like it, but i'm not sure. thankfully, it's not adding up for him (like it doesn't make sense, given what he knows of you), so it sounds like he's not accepting it very well. yes, on some level he "believes" the other client in that he wants to check this out with you, but it seems like deep down he knows it's really not.. unless you're getting a totally different message. but i don't think questioning = believing. plus he's just saying "this is what i heard."
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yes, it's bad. Bad in the context of everything that's happened this year. I can only guess that she is trying to manipulate T by telling him this stuff, but what is unbelievable to me is that IT'S WORKING. omg.
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well, crap. not sure what to say about that. my suggestion would be to pick apart the lies as best you can, as a way to "prove" they're not true (if that's even possible). but i get that you just want to go to therapy and not have to defend yourself. my only other idea is to confront this other client.
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I am seeing him three times this week to see if we can work through it. I need some forward momentum with him because ever since he blindsided me with this stuff AGAIN every session is me sitting there not trusting him and even if I get a teeny bit of feeling of safety by the end of the session, it's GONE by the next time I see him and we're back to square one. If this week doesn't help I don't know what I'll do.
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i'm not sure if this makes sense, but maybe you should keep not trusting him - until this thing is 100% resolved. i think if you stay in sort of a neutral/guarded space, it might be easier to work through some of this stuff without feeling like you're leaving yourself vulnerable (even if it's just a "teeny bit").
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He has apologized, admitted he made big mistakes, said he was sorry that I've been so hurt by all of it, said that he gets it now and he knows the truth and that he's different and that things will be different moving forward. I just don't know. I can't tell you how many times those same things were said to me all through my childhood and they ended up being lies. I can't tell you how many times I thought someone was nice and they ended up hurting me in the worst way. So my past is all jumbled up with now and I just don't know how to move forward. I mean how many YEARS will it take me to trust T again? And then what will happen? Ugh. Sad.
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if he says he now knows the truth, then i think from here you might want to spend some time going over and over and over what exactly that is/means. not until
you believe
him, should you move on to something else.
one last thing thought: he's not your past. he's not someone from your childhood that told lies and hurt you. he's someone new, someone you know now that is trying to help you. try not to bring the past into it, because the present is very different. this feels the same, but it's different - and capable of a much different outcome.
i hope my comments don't come across as harsh. i'm a thousand percent on your side, but i just wanted to present a few thoughts and ideas. for the record, i don't think you've done ANYTHING wrong and you don't deserve any of what is happening. i hope you're feeling okay today..
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