The bottom line is this my phillygem: You are here, now. You have decided to at least try and have a better life. How do I know this? You are here on this little website looking for answers and trying to get better. Seriously, thanks for having the courage to say something about this. It CAN get better, I promise! God bless you, and also, have you ever tried a gratitude list? It can be hard at first, however with some effort, maybe you can find more and more to be grateful about! Keep your chin up, and keep posting!