I can't sympathize with everything you mentioned, because I didn't have some of the things happen that you did. I didn't grow up without a mother completely, but I did grow up most of my teens without a mother. She walked out on us, and I lived with my Grandparents after that. I didn't really ever have a fatherly figure either. My step dad was abusive, though not as bad as you stated, and my real Dad didn't come into my life until I was a teenager and they found him for not paying child support.

So I can sympathize with not having a real parental guidance and also with it turning your life around and making you feel like you failed at life, because I feel like that as well. I didn't use my entire potential. School came easy for me, and I always made straight A's. When my Mom left, I stopped caring. I still made straight A's and B's, but there WERE B's mixed in and I just didn't try anymore. It came too easy for me and I didn't push myself or challenge myself.

Some other things have happened in my life to feel like a failure as well, but I won't get into them. Right now I am not happy with my life but it isn't because I feel like I failed at life, it is because I failed in a relationship. I know how it feels to think you have no one to talk to, but you have come to the right place. Just know there are people here that care, and will help you whenever you need it. If you ever need to talk, drop me a PM. Take care.