You have come much farther than I have. I need to learn to depend on my own strength and feel content being alone if necessary. The longer I am alone, the better I get with depending on myself and my inner strength. I can even get to the point where I don't even feel alone. I am always liable, however, to fall in with a toxic personality or just someone who appears to be genuine. I don't know how to get close, how to have fun, how to trust, and once I get too close and get past some invisible barrier known only to my mind, I do get clingy, manipulative and possessive, and, of course, the relationship doesn't last and all the BPD stuff comes out full-force. I need to depend on myself and my own self-worth no matter what...and I'm not there yet.

Helpafriend, I understand you're not accountable to other people's flaws and that you can't fix them, but don't become cynical towards others either. I admire your strength and hope I can eventually get there.