For the past three days I've been consumed with the one thought - "I think i am bipolar".

This isn't the first time it has occurred to me, but it's the first time I've genuinely gone "You know what, it certainly explains a lot".

I had a relationship of sorts for a good many years when I was 18 with a boy who is bipolar/schizo affective/not sure anymore and his impact on me is what I used as the reason for the inkling thought in my mind that there may be something 'wrong' with me. Now i realise that I think i based my perception of what a bipolar person is like entirely on him and I am nothing like him so I concluded that I couldn't possibly be bipolar too.

The other day I was set off by something and I suddenly felt slightly detached from myself. I saw myself more clearly, my behaviour, the emotions I was experiencing and I realised that it was just too much. I can't deal with the way I am anymore. So i started reading about bipolar (again) but this time with the aim to see how it relates to me. And it did.

I'm worried about something though. I see it in me but I don't think anyone else does. I think if i go out there and say "I think i might be bipolar" almost everyone I know, except a few people, are going to think I'm being ridiculous.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I am just looking for some understanding. I think I just want my mind to stop. I feel like I'm walking on the edge of a cliff, either about to plummet into despair but occasionally hit by bursts of sheer joy at the idea of flying.