Canacrip, it sounds to me as if you and your wife need to go in to talk to a psychiatrist about what you're feeling, how your wife is about to drive you up the walls with incessant questioning (she needs to be on a tranquillizer for this, in my view) and you need to talk to one about your depression (which is partly situational).

Whether you go together or whether each of you decides to see a specialist separately is a choice that you and she need to talk about. Then go for help.
There is so much that can be done to help both of you.

You will feel like different people after several sessions of therapy and, most of all, the irritations that get to you will stop, and she will become more aware of her own needs and care for herself.

Please do that; you won't regret it.

I'm sorry you have the physical disability; that's an inconvenience, but you may be able to find improvement in your tolerance of it and work through the pain of being encumbered by it somewhat.

It can be something as simple as having time away from each other during the week.

She needs to develop an interest of her own in a hobby or volunteer work of some type at a hospital, possibly, and you need to find things in your life that you can do and share with others who have disabilities and learn from them how they functon. If not that, you need a hobby that you can manage at home and find satisfaction in.

Don't settle for less than a good marriage. It can be achieved with work by both your and her efforts.

You're both special people who deserve to have a content life together.

Take care and keep us posted.

Genetic