I've been in your frame if mind and its def important you get a psychiatrist and Therapist to help you work this out. Counseling together and learning how to deal with yourself and your wife needing to understand you. My husband had to talk to my T to get a lowdown on this disease. It's a long frustrating road but sending you lots of hugs and more hugs. We are all here to vent on and support you. You're not alone. You can do this. One more hug!!!!!