Shezbut,

Thanks for being so quick to respond. This is second time someone has mentioned Bipolar Disorder to me. The first time someone mentioned that was years ago. Reading up on Bipolar Disorder, it does seem to apply to me, but even though my depression has lasted a long time and I feel like I have manic episodes, they don't last but for either a few hours and some cycle many times within minutes and then I end up feeling down because who I was a few moments ago wasn't who I really am and most of the times I've hurt someone's feelings and they don't want to talk to me (my fiancé is mostly the one that I do this to since I spend most of my time around him). As for being stuck in the apartment all day, I might finally have a way out because I just got a job and I should be starting training to be a server this week! I've served twice before and it caused me great anxiety and I hated taking orders and walking around the restaurant because I thought everybody was watching me and judging every move I made. I'm trying not to let this get me down though because this is a new place and it seems really nice and laid back, so wish me the best! I just actually got a call from the manager and she said that I'll be working next Monday for sure. I'm so excited! Anyways, I've had a few ups and downs since my last post, but they've actually been a little better. I just hope I don't explode in a few days or weeks like I usually do. :/ I'm currently reading a book on psychology and the brain that talks about how a mother 'explains' emotions to her baby through her choice of tone and facial expressions since a baby's left brain that understands language hasn't developed fully and doesn't have that capability while the baby's right brain that understands tones and facial expressions is more developed and does have that capability. The author of the book then goes on to explain how the mother helps her baby learn to identify and deal with emotion for later in life. From this information, I think I have found a way to help me identify my triggers and how to act accordingly without exploding and becoming a tyrant. I really want to be in control of myself and not let my emotions control what I do and how I act.