I am angry today. I'm angry because I feel cornered. Life is too full of dead ends and blind alleys and information that conflicts with reality. Here's a great one: If you feel like you're going to snap, stop and rest. Really? On what f'n planet is that EVER an option? All these great theories on self-care never works. I'm stuck in the car with my wife for 8 hours yesterday and we are arguing. I try to get out of it, but every word out of my mouth is a trap. What do I do? Open the car door and jump out? It's always something picking at me until I'm back in the hospital. I can't do enough to stay well and now I am pissed. I can't find one good reason to be alive, but I am not supposed to harm myself. I'm not even fifty, can't work, I'm disabled and my wife keeps an emotional distance for good reason. I feel like a child. And I'm not supposed to want to die. Can someone please help me make sense of that? I've had it. I don't want to be here another minute. I hate this.