Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
Can I ask a totally non-judgmental, just-trying-to-get-insight question?
Why would you feel it necessary to share your feelings with your therapist? Is it just so that there are no secrets between you? Or do you feel like if you keep those kinds of feelings to yourself, then they just get bigger and bigger?
I feel some things about my therapist. Our relationship is something I can't really relate to anything I've ever experienced, but I know it goes beyond just a formal business/professional thing. I wouldn't fall to pieces if my dentist stopped seeing me, but I would for my therapist. However, I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her about this because I would feel like it has no place in my therapy. And I would be afraid of the very thing you're dealing with--the aftershock.
Please don't think I'm not saying you did anything wrong. I've noticed most posters here seem to be just as open as you are, so I'm obviously the strange one. I'm just trying to understand the intention.
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Hi autotelica. At first I thought, there is no way I will ever tell my therapist my feelings towards her. Never ever. Then I started reading on this forum and reading things about transference, etc. and it seemed like the general consensus was that it is helpful to therapy to tell her this stuff. Also, she has mentioned things a couple times regarding our relationship and how I feel about her, as if she knows something is going on but obviously she can't ask me outright "How do you feel about me?" But she would say things like "I know you're curious about me and that's perfectly OK. You are not stalking me." Because once I read her dissertation and freaked out completely and told her. So I feel like she is open to it and has hinted that she knows something is going on. Also, my feelings towards her are very intense, ie feeling safe with her, feeling gratitude towards her, etc. and it felt like they were definetely not part of a normal relationship, so I felt like I had to tell her because they were so strong. What I described it in my email to her was that my feelings for her were like the elephant in the room whenever we had session.
I definetely didn't expect to tell her so soon, but when we started talking about my sex life, my feelings towards her got even more complicated, which is why I kind of word vomited all this to her via email. If we hadn't been talking about sex, I am sure I would have waited until later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamy01
You're not sick at all. I think sexual feelings can get mixed up with intense emotions particularly in people who have had certain experiences in the past, but even in people who haven't. You're certainly not the first or only client who has wondered about T's sex life. I've done the same although I've quickly shifted the thoughts aside out of embarrassment. I certainly wouldn't be able to admit it to her so you're braver than me in that way. I don't have sexual feelings towards my T per sae it's more that those feelings occasionally get confused with wanting to be close to her. I can't speak for you or anyone else but I wonder if that's the same?
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Yes Dreamy! My feelings towards her are that I want to be close to her, I want her to hug me, etc. (Although I think if she actually did I would run away!
) These are very intense feelings, and I think they do get mixed up with sexual feelings occasionally, but it doesn't mean that I'm sexually attracted to my T, if that makes sense. I think you explained what I am feeling very well.