You sound like my ex . Always gets to me. Please don't think like that. I was a cutter at one time as well, and I know it is hard.... But trust me, you aren't alone and there are people that care about you. You just have to find another escape, it is hard I know, and it is also easier said than done. Try to pick something else that can either release your frustration and/or keep your mind occupied. It is something we learn, or teach ourselves, and our brain goes to that because it is used to it. There are other things we can tell ourselves will calm us down, and if we act on those rather than resorting to causing bodily harm we can get used to an alternative. It happens, we all have had relapses and it is just something we have to forget about and start a new streak... Take care, and if you need to talk I am here.