Thanks for the update. It sounds like life has been a challenge for you for a long time, but maybe now you are ready to make some changes that will allow you to heal. One of the things I am getting from your story is that letting things get bad was a choice, whether you recognized that at the time or not, and that sometimes we choose depression when we don't know how else to get our needs met. It's counterproductive, but there it is. My husband lectured me for over an hour last night on that very thing - he says I wallow and refuse to give up my dysfunctional identities. It's hard - being in a hole starts to get comfortable, and sometimes we can find people who will comiserate and sympathize. When we seem to be doing better, maybe our needs don't get met.

I second you on the value of music! Listening to it is fine, but playing an instrument or singing is much better. Good for you! I'm glad that you are getting back on your feet now.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>