You have only known one life and that is with him. If I had a crystal ball to show you all the other possible lives you could live, starting today, you would walk on alone. You have already asked the question and your preacher is concerned, your friends are concerned, and most of all, you are concerned. All that is holding you back is the fear of the unknown and fear is only an emotion that can be worked through. Thirty three years is a long time and you need support to do this, even if you decide to stay and try to work it out. Gather together your family and friends and make changes because you can't continue living your life in such sadness. You were born to be happy and share your uniqueness with everyone so more than one person can benefit. You have the strength and intelligence to change your situation and you have already started. You are not alone.