hi polar.

im sorry to hear you say those words, my heart goes out to you.

im not an alcoholic, or drug addict etc, but i have first hand experience of it, so i know what you are going through. 19 and a half...the same as me lol. so im on your wavelength with that one too hehe.

in times like this you need to take a step back from the hectic life and observe what needs and change, and when. if you have the passion and willingness to change thats a great start, and you say you dont know where to go from here...to be honest i think youv'e already started doing whats needed next. seeing profeesionals is a great start. consider going to another support group such as AA, or look on the web for other local groups that might do one-to-one support too. all these things are there for a reason.

everyone needs family and friends around them to love you as that will give you the lifeline you need through this. support is everything throughout this. maybe consider asking your parents, and siblings for help, tell them how you feel. you'll be surprised of the reactions.

the need to show them what your like under the influence is understandable, but personally i dont think its the way to do it. they know how people are whilst on drugs so they dont need to be shown. you dont need to prove yourself to anyone.

good luck with everything polar, and stay on PC too, this is a great site for self-help that could also be your lifeline. there are many people here who know exactly how you feel and who are willing to help you.

take care and i hope to speak to you soon. and if theres anything you need, feel free to pm me anytime.

simon