I can't even stand being at home. For two years of my life I was molested/raped by my Uncle. (Moms side of the family.) But my Dad and him look almost identical. I actually can't tell them apart. I've never been able to. Everytime I look at my Dad, I think about everything that happened when I was little... and it just makes me want to die. I still haven't been able to tell my parents about what happened to me when I was younger. I still feel so much hatred towards my family for not being able to see it... and the way they treated me the times I got raped as I was growing up... .and just a month ago, too. (This is just me ranting, by the way. If you guys didn't choose to read it.. that's okay too. I just need to let it out.) I've had so much built up anger and frustration.... The only people that live around me that i've told about what happened to me, just think it's fun to tell me that i'm a complete ***** for letting all that happen. I know for a fact it's not my fault. It took me a while to figure that out... but I know that I never asked for it...and I would give anything to go back and make sure it never happened. I didn't think that after 11 years, I would still be hurting so bad from what my Uncle did. I still have horrible nightmares. I still wake up screaming, and crying.. trying to push someone away from me, that isn't even there. I still black out everytime I do anything with my boyfriend, and when I finally come out of it, I have really bad panic attacks, and don't know how I got there, and it's so dark... I feel like it's when I got raped just a year ago. I want to forget it all. I just... don't even know, anymore. Counseling has never helped me. Meds don't help me at all. All meds do for me, now is completely numb me... I like not having to feel the pain... b ut I want to feel something...