I am about to end my life. I really am

• I can't afford therapy and I have been on a waiting list now for 4 months to see a therapist with a sliding scale
• I have never been married and I have not been in love, no guy wants me cause I am too sweet and caring, not "like hollywood" at all cause of my sweet face
• I don't drive cause of a phobia so I am stuck at home and cant walk around (not too much to walk around to and it is not too safe here)
• I have only one friend (offline) who works a lot so I hardly see her
• My entire family disowned me cause I don't fit their mold
• I don't have any kids
• I am on my 3 year of food stamps cause i can't work cause of my depression, anxiety and panic disorder
• I don't go to church cause of social phobia and most of them treat me like an outsider cause I am not married. Plus I don't drive so I can't get to one
• Social Security has denied me now for 3 times now cause my pill doctor refuses to write me a letter cause she said she does not do that for anyone.
• Can't even volenter cause of lack of trasportation and motivation cause of my depression

So you can imagine how all of this makes it so hard for me to wake up and want to live, I have nothing to live for.
Nothing to say about my life.
I tried to have an online boyfriend who was a bit older than me, but he abused me by played games with my emotions. He was the only thing that i had to look forward to in my life, he knew it too. But he strung me a long and said sweet nothings and then backed off for no reason.
I want to be dead more than ever so badly. No, I am not suicidal but I want and pray with all my heart that God would just finish me off, the pain of living is too much. I am nothing in this world, I have nothing to say about myself. Why the hell God has me still alive is really dumb and a huge mystery as I have no purpose anymore none! I am just taking up space in this world.
I just don't have the will to live anymore.