I don't really know what other people's triggers are, I don't even know what my own are, or exactly what a trigger is, but I do know I don't want someone to read my thread and feel bad, so all posts from me which aren't in a positive light will be flagged as trigger.

I really don't like this BPD. All of the ups and downs every single day. I'm tired of crying for no reason. I called to tell my niece Happy Birthday and it made me begin to cry. I hate feeling emotionally out of control. I wish I had the money for therapy. I wish I had the courage to talk to people in person about my feelings instead of hiding behind a computer. I don't understand how it all happens, how one minute everything is ok and the next I want to cry.

I'm at least realizing some of the things I did before to escape from feeling. It's hard not to return to that. I wish there were a medication to at put an emotional block up so I can get through the day. I wish there were something to erase memories. I thought reminising was part of healing for everyone, now I'm beginning to think it's a way for me to relive the past and isn't part of healing.

I just want to be able to regain focus on what's important. I'm trying to turn to God for solace, it's not really helping right now though. I serisously need to get something for anxiety too because as soon as I start to cry, anxiety sets in, it's hard to breathe, my lungs get extremely tight, my stomach knots, my jaw clenches. I've noticed I have anxiety while driving too. UGH...I wish I knew the answers.