It's true, I don't know what will happen... I guess that's part of what scares me. I don't want to accept that this is my only option. I feel like it's being forced on me. Her feelings towards our relationship changed and now she wants to try a separation... I simply have to accept it. Doesn't feel fair I guess.

She gave me no indication that things were bothering her... I guess she didn't realize it either until the DUI incident, but it'd been lurking in her subconcious so it isn't as much of a shock to her. There was never any indication that she might end our relationship if I didn't change things... I just feel completely blindsided and now it's basically over from out of nowhere.

For now I personally want to just keep working on myself, talking to the therapist, and getting better at talking, (really talking), to my wife. This is all new to me. We never truly "talked" to each other for the past 11 years, but now we're doing it more than ever. I guess I'm hoping I can keep making these rapid changes, and show her that this can work out after all, without basically giving up on the marriage for a couple of months.

We've discussed the separation idea a bit. Nothing in detail, just general feelings about the idea. I told her I didn't think I was strong enough yet to handle that, and I think that's true. I was walking around our house last night trying to imagine her things gone, the house empty of her presence, and it didn't go over too well. I guess I'm hoping it won't become necessary. In my mind it's a last resort.

I'm demonstrating that I'm working my butt off trying to change and help our relationship. When I asked her what she's doing on her end she said was trying to organize her thoughts and remain patient. It doesn't feel equal, but at the same time, I don't have any real complaints about her. I loved her the way she was, for who she was.

She's kind of against therapy right now due to this forced AA-like program she has to go to... but she said she would go with me to a session if I thought it would help. I feel like she may have given up all hope at this point and believes the only thing that can help us now is to not be together any more, and then possibly find our way back to each other again at some undetermined point in the future.