I'm sorry everybody seems to have had hard sessions today. I'm sorry I can't be very supportive, but I do keep you all in my thoughts.

I had a bad session. Not terrible, but it made me feel bad about myself. I like this T, and I trust him, and today he told me that he's not going to fire me (though I'm not sure he understood what I was actually worried about - he talked about the county medical system which finances my therapy, and how he doesn't have to stop after any particular number of sessions, and how he is willing to see me for several years if that's what it takes... but I was worried about him firing me because of my behaviour, not because of financial matters. Though it was very reassuring to hear that.) I just feel more and more shaken up, and more and more broken. I'm not sure I will be able to handle the pain that comes from confronting the issues that come up. And I'm starting to feel the language desert me. I just don't know if I will be able to do this. And I am still not convinced that he won't desert me. And I am worried that he doesn't trust that I'm telling him the truth. Which I am. Which is hard for me to do.

Damn. It.