Don't think about the pain, one session at a time. He said you could work at a snails pace....years in fact Don't beat yourself up. If your behavior even remotely warranted termination, believe me T would have said that...instead he went straight to finances proving this is a skewed thought on your part. Go slow, this isn't a race.... it takes water a long time to erode river beds into the hard surface of a mountain....slow and steady my dear.