Quote:
Originally Posted by likelife
Hi Sally,
I don't come here much anymore, but I had to come out of lurkdom to say how sorry I am to hear how the story with your therapist has been unfolding. I'd be beyond heartbroken (and pissed) if the same happened with my therapist.
I don't want to confound my experience with yours, but one thing I wanted to say was that as much of a douche canoe as your therapist is being right now (hope outraged name calling is okay for the moment), it's probably for the best that you're moving on, at least temporarily. When I went through a huge rupture with my T last year, the thing that got to me the most was that she just refused to talk about her side of it after a certain point. As in, she wouldn't share any of her feelings or reactions or responses. I know that her intentions were good, that she was trying to keep me from becoming triggered and to focus on me, not her, but the whole thing was just all the more triggering for me. I ended up taking several months off from therapy, and when I came back things were a little better, but still difficult. I'm impressed with your ability to have the presence of mind to seek out an alternate therapist amidst the shitstorm your T has been perpetuating.
I'm in a rush, and not sure I'm really saying anything coherent here, but at the very least, know that I'm hoping that things work out well for you (whatever that might look like).
Oh, and one thought on why your T is perhaps acting the way he is - maybe he's too entangled? Too hurt, and therefore too tangled up to be able to respond therapeutically. Feels like countertransference run amok.
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Thanks so much for posting, likelife. I think your experience is definitely related... I do know that at times, it was definitely the case that T was trying so hard to make it about me that he failed to acknowledge the stuff he was doing that was affecting me (I'm sure in some way that was also a way to not have to deal with it, but I do know his intentions weren't evil). Which made me feel insane. Moreso than usual.
Douche canoe. I like it.
And yeah. I think entanglement is a great word. Obviously I can't say for sure what's going on with him, but it's very clearly gotten to the point where his own emotions about it aren't tolerable for him, either. We used to talk for five hours a week. Five. Hours.
And we would still go over time. How the hell did we talk so much? Anyway with that kind of attachment it's hard not to get sucked in when things start going wrong... but unfortunately, as the T, he really needs to stand firm, and it would have been really helpful if he'd started standing firm a long time ago.
Thanks again
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antimatter
I agree with lifelike above, it sounds like your therapist has his own issues. His issues are probably not helping yours, and maybe he knows that. If he hasn't cried that hard in 3 or 4 years, something has been triggered in him. Ruptures can often be reenactments, where both sides of the therapeutical room are engaged in something that is not in the here and now, but in a transference of their own.
It sounds like maybe he doesn't want to disclose personal information, but is trying to tell you that maybe he needs time. I do think it would be nice if he gave you some concrete answer, but it looks like that isn't going to happen 
I don't know about your T, Sally, but I'm concerned about YOU. I get feeling betrayed, abandoned, manipulated, enraged, and the extreme suicidal thoughts/urges. It feels like getting run over by a freight train while everyone sits and watches and they can stop it at anytime but they allow it to keep rolling right over you. After having gone through this hellish nightmare, the last thing I want is for you or anybody else to go through it. I'm here if you need me, though. Feel free to PM.
I am in a deadened state right now, depression, I'm not experiencing much. I hope that you look for another therapist even if it is just temporary. I wish I had found a therapist before I left my xT, it would have made the termination a lot less traumatic.
Take care of you!  |
I know you're having such a rough time of it Antimatter. Be careful what you wish for on the PMs
.
But yeah. I know I need to push forward on finding a new T. I really really appreciate your concern.
As for T... yeah... I don't see anything concrete coming anytime soon. He SEEMS as if he's totally sincere about not knowing why things suddenly went awry. Which is baffling to me, but it may be something that I simply won't ever relate to. I believe you're correct in saying that he needs time... I don't think he realized he would need time until after I blew up at him last week. I was really harsh. I feel kinda bad about it. I can't even tell him that. DAMN IT.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WikidPissah
hey Sally! I'm sorry you have to go thru this. I have been in limbo myself for almost 2 month...icky. Every appointment with XT was like   ! Erg...so frustrating. I still don't have a permanent t, why is it that I can be stable for a long time and then a few weeks with no t makes me go batshit crazy? I have Frau t temporarily, but there's no way I can call her in crisis.
Anyhow...I feel for you, and I hope that a new t can plug the hole for you quickly. |
That. Is the perfect. Emoticon combination. That completely describes my T dealings.
I'm so sorry things aren't quite there with Frau T. That sucks. I definitely feel your limbo-world now, it's a very odd feeling. It does make me dread a crisis. I'm hoping you find a way out of limbo too
What's funny is, that oddly helpful and clear comment he made about us probably having the same problems until we reached some kind of resolution, and committing to contact a consultant regardless? He came to that conclusion after chatting with a colleague of his
. So the least entangled/passive thing he has said came from someone else! I wonder if he/she is accepting new clients...