Quote:
Originally Posted by Apteryx
Forgive me for rambling a little more... One thing I don't like, which makes me feel bad about myself in T, is the way I feel like a child - not because of T talking down at me or anything, but because i overreact and don't have enough control of my emotions, and because I get anxious and afraid all the time. Maybe it doesn't matter that I do that. But I don't like it, it makes me worry that T will despise me for not being an adult.
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I definitely feel that. It would be so upsetting that he would see how I am in my head, which I had worked so hard to box up and keep away from the world. I'd be so ashamed of how much I would freak out about some things and not be able to let things go, or just blow up... I was always sure it would cause T to get sick of me.
But my T always used to kind of get excited when I would actually show anger. I would do my thing of starting to raise my voice just a little, then check myself and fall silent. He would say, "Keep going, keep going..." The truth is the more bare emotion your T gets the see, the better he knows you. By allowing him to see you in that way, you're giving him the gift of knowing the real you, instead of shutting him out. And it is a gift and a privilege, and I think it's more than likely that your T sees it that way.
