I really need some help. I am feeling very alone and scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I take care of my mom and just don't know what to do anymore. She had some ministrokes a couple of years ago, so I'm taking care of her full-time. She has been doing really good, but every once in a while she goes off so bad that I get scared. Last night, she had one of her really bad days, and I thought the neighbors would end up calling the police again. They didn't, but she is still pretty bad today. The neighbors called the police before because they thought she was trying to kill me. There was so much yelling and throwing things. Physically she is about three times my size, so I totally get why they were concerned. By the time the police showed up, she was totally calm and acted normal. What was I going to say? I love her. I'm trying my best to take care of her. I'm almost 30 years old and have no social life. I just don't know what to do. There is no money to pay someone else to help. She has no insurance. She doesn't qualify for any programs (I've looked at ALL of them). There is no other family except me to help her.

Every once in a while she just goes off for no reason. I don't understand it. I always try to calm her down and stay calm myself, but I don't know what to do. She says things sometimes that are just awful. Last night she kept saying she wished I was dead -over and over again. You know, I wish I was dead. Then, I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I pay all her bills, get her anything she wants. Whatever I do, she always finds a way to belittle me and make me feel awful. I'm trying my best here. I can't leave her because there is no else who will help her. I have no support network at all. I have no friends or other family who can help me.