Am sorry to read about you and your mum's situation..

I know you said that there is no way you can get outside help, and as I am not in the USA. Is she not entitled to Social Security Disability benefits? I guess all that would go on paying bills, rather than extra help. In the UK they depend heavily on family members to become carers, and pretty much walk away, unless the carer threatens to walks away instead. People to get help have to tell the doctor/social dept that their mental & physical health is effected and need some respite. Then outside carers come in and look after the relative while you get time off, paid by the government. Sometimes this is for a couple of hours a day, or a couple of days a month, a day a week and a couple of weeks holiday.

Is there anything like that in the USA? Even having a couple of weeks off a year where you can go and be you, not a full-time carer can make a lot of difference. Also, there may be a local support group for you to talk to other carers, which again, swapping stories and tips can be so helpful. Being a full-time carer is so hard, a sense of identity lost, but its also amazingly selfless what you are doing and it may be good to talk to others in the same position as you. After watching two close people be carers, I know its something I just couldnt do.

I am not sure why your mum is wishing you dead. I do understand her frustration over strokes and having to rely on other people, but its unacceptable to take it out on you. Have you ever just walked away for an hour or two, and tell her that you wont be there when she's attacking you? Perhaps it may help and the shock/realisation that she is lost without you make her think. If she's scaring you then you need to tell someone what's happening and never downplay it - actually tell the truth. And if the neighbours call the police, then let them - it may help your cause on getting help?

I wish you all the best, and seriously, I take my hat off to you - you're amazing to do this at all.