When my therapist started doing things for me that I really really did not want to do, that's when I began to "let her in".

When you are all on your own and you don't like other people, you become to accustomed to doing every single thing by and for yourself. You end up walking five miles in the driving rain in the middle of the night because your car broke down and you have no friends to rescue you. You almost break your back trying to move furniture because you don't have anyone to do it for you. You run all your errands and make all your phone calls and pay all your bills by yourself. Once you've grown accustomed to it, it becomes inconceivable to let someone share the burden. Because what if they screw it up? And what if they expect something in return that you can't or don't want to provide? It's just easier to do it by yourself, no matter how hard it is.

But as independent as I am, I was finding that I had low diligence when it came to finding a pdoc early on in my therapy. I lucked out with my therapist; her door was the first and only I had to knock on. But it was turning into a giant mess on the psychiatry front. I was tired of calling offices and having to tell secretaries my personal business...only for them to tell me the doctor wouldn't see me anyway. The stress was making my depression worse. I just wanted to give up.

So my therapist became my case worker and volunteered to handle all the phone calls. Five years later, she still does this, with all of my doctors. I didn't have to put her to any test. She picked up the ball that I didn't want to touch and took care of it for me. And that was enough for me to say, "Hey, maybe I will let her take care of me I am so very tired of doing it all by myself."

I am still my ultra-analytical, independent self. I am always conscientious about falling into any fantasy traps regarding our relationship. Just because I trust her doesn't mean that I've become dependent on her and that we no longer have boundaries. It just means that through the therapeutic relationship, I have realized that I can't do everything by myself. I do need someone to help me.

That sounds like a message you need to hear too, TC.