I just joined this site and saw your message. Don't know if you will get this from me or not but I have much the exact same situation with my family. I had to move really far away from my mother who thinks the world revolves around her needs/wants and her manipulativeness/controlling ways--she thinks she can still run my life even though I've been all grown up now for quite a while. She's going to be 70 this year. My sister and her family don't see anything wrong and I've had to distance myself away from her as well. I've had to learn to set my own boundaries which has been very difficult. My sister is not responding to my communications of needing an honest/respectful relationship instead of the manipulative/controlling ways she has of expecting me to help her in her life all the time. I have had to orphan myself to free myself. It sounds like you have had to do this too? It's so difficult and I don't know if anyone at all, even you, has had to figure out how to start over? If you have advice, let me know. I hope you are doing better, but I do understand.
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Originally Posted by stillhealing
My father (75 years old) has NPD. That became very obvious after my mother died a few years ago. Without her around as a buffer, his selfish manipulative behavior was much more obvious, and painful. Many things happened over the last few years, including my father's remarriage 8 months after my mom's death. My 2 siblings and I were very supportive of him after our mom's death, but we were grieving the loss of our mom which my father couldn't quite handle. He needed us all to be focused only on him, and be elated with the fact that he was remarrying. He managed to rally many friends and family members to his side, convincing them that my brother, sister and I (and our kids) were selfish, ungrateful children who didn't want him to be happy. Not true. Extrememly hurtful that people who should have known better believe him. My brother and I decided that it was best for us and our families to discontinue any contact with him. I've made sure to send him cards on his birthday and holidays, and have honored him as much as I can from a distance. My younger sister decided that it was worth whatever she and her family had to deal with in order to have a father in her life and grandfather for her two boys. (My father refused to attend her wedding back in 2001 because we are caucasion and she married a Nigerian.) I've tried to stay connected with her but, because she's living in his NPD world I've noticed a big change in her, and it's obvious that she has a hard time having a relationship with me and my family now. She occasionally tries to make me see how screwed up I am because I'm not diving back into my father's NPD world, but I know what's healthyest for me and my family, so I've ended up having to distance myself, to a point, with my sister too. I guess I'd better stop here. I could go on forever...I'm hoping to connect with other adult children of narcissistic fathers who understand.
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