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Originally Posted by YYZadd
Your Ex is most likely ADD as well. The longer the ADD goes on undiagnosed the worse the bad coping skills get. Anger is SO common among ADD males. After decades of being wrong, it just takes a toll. Not to make excuses for him, believe me. I don't behave that way and I believe the anger must be controlled. The root of it all is the low self-esteem that keps building over time. This is great for your son to find out about this now before more damage is done.
The meds have an immediate affect on most people, though it may take a little while to find the right dosage. Poor executive function leaves us remembering a totally different memory of an event as well. So when you discuss the phone call situation again, he may remember things very differently from you. Short Term memory for ADDer's is full of holes that we have to try and fill in, which leads to errors of course, but the ADDer "Believes" it to be true, afterall it IS your memory Right or Wrong.
I kept my anger on the inside very well, but once I knew what I was dealing with and started my Adderall. I Felt better and my racing brain had better brakes. The anger levels dropped almost immediately.
Hang in there Sunshinepaulie  |
Thanks for that info, and it's especially helpful to hear that since you have been through it. You are right, I believe my ex is ADHD; in fact, the psychologist suggested it. We also talked tonight about how my son's interpretation of things may be different. One thing we do recognize is that the two of us are truthful with each other and do communicate (even when it's inappropriate behavior, I can understand he can't work through it yet). My ex only gets silence. I'd rather have the good and the challenging, and something to work on. I'm glad I can sit in a room with my son and that he can talk, even about things he would like to see about my approach, and I won't defend myself but just listen. I know he feels safe saying anything to me and I'm grateful for that. It's hard to be a kid, let alone one with ADHD, let alone one who lost his home, his dog, and went through a divorce. He knows I love him to pieces. I have to remind him that his behavior, when he is disrespectful, is hurtful to me; because I recognize he is also hurting inside and he is reacting from that pain. No meds yet, but hopefully therapy will start us in the right direction. Thanks for your comments. They're very helpful.