This is the first chance I've had today to flop on the couch. I'm sorry so many have had a tough day.

I can't count how many times I've made T tell me that he won't abandon me, won't kick me out and won't let me push him away. He's told me that even if I tried to physically hurt him, he'd just try to figure out why. If I choose to pull away, he'll respect that choice, but it won't be his decision, no matter how long it takes or what I tell him. I'm starting to believe him.

I finally swam tonight. I hadn't been in the pool for more than a month. I've been a total slug.