I'm sorry that you are struggling so much right now. Your t sounds great, that she would allow you to do that. I think you have come this far, that you should push on. I know it is discouraging sometimes, but I really do think that your t can help you. Let her the idea that you stayed for 10-15 min contemplating to go or stay means that you haven't given up hope yet. Think of that. Take a deep breath. And close your eyes and plunge. One thing I was taught was that you may not always have the mental ability to do something. But sometimes, if you just do it, your body mechanics snap into it, and kick start your brain and get you motivated again.