I'm gonna focus on one word here Anika...

the second one!

"want"

you have it all planned out...the way to make the 'want' become a "feel"

yeah I get the drifting the inability the chronic disturbance...cos thats what it is.

I don't know how to do it either....seems to me to be a 'sudden' thing!

like a response to stress...but please don't force stress upon yourself!

there is one thing though Anika.

we don't have to hurt to need healing!

we can be healed anyway cos everyday has some pain or more....

we can close our eyes and life will light speed beyond our ability to capture just the same as if our eyes are open.

it still lets us watch.